JK Rowling wanted more money, good job folks.

Harry Potter is way too long. Individually, and overall. Should have been a trilogy, as I will demonstrate.

Book 1-Needed, fine just as long as it should be.

Book 2-What happened? Well we found out that Harry Potter's not Slytherin's heir...which is a problem we didn't have before this book. So basically, just some foreshadowing, which could easily have been worked in elsewhere.

Book 3-Sirius Black escapes from jail, which happens at the beginning...and we find out he's not evil and who really betrayed Harry's parents to their death. But at the cost of some 500 pages, I can't help but think it's pretty drawn out.

Book 4-Some bullcrap contest which has no importance to the overall plot, and Voldemort comes back. Finally, something important happens! Things are really gonna heat up next time right?

Book 5-Wrong, nothing happens. at all. Okay, Sirius dies, but come on, that's literally the only important thing.

Book 6-Once again, not much happens until the end. Books 2-6 could easily have been combined.

Book 7-Never read it, haven't seen movie, can't say, but I'm gonna say it could have easily been book 3.

Heroes: Yeah I failed.

Well here we are, its November 10th and we're at the final part of this Heroes thing and wait...Oh yea, I totally didn't do this at all.

I think I set some unreasonable goals, see I forgot how convoluted and complicated Heroes was, especially in season 1. This could take a while, I'm not promising anything, but probably by the end of 2010, I am working on it...sort of.

In the meantime I'll do other posts, and you can look forward to the Heroes thing, well, later.

Heroes: A look Back-Prologue

This idea has been brewing ever since I started to blog. That's right, I'm going to look back at all four seasons of NBC's Heroes, the good the bad the ugly and the just plain dumb.

I will try to do this as fast as possible, hopefully one part a day, here's how I plan to do it.

Nov 4-Season 1 Part 1
Nov 5-Season 1 Part 2
Nov 6-Season 2
Nov 7-Season 3 Part 1
Nov 8-Season 3 Part 2
Nov 9-Season 4
Nov 10-Epilogue

I'll be getting to work as soon as possible on this epic task, of recapping all 79 episodes of this show, as well as tackling the behind the scenes stuff, and the show's ultimate cancellation. Stay tuned.

Ludo-Prepare the Preparations (Screw you Lushbeat!)

I know it's been two months, but I'm ready to review, Ludo's latest CD, Prepare the Preparations.

First off, I want to say that the critics are dead wrong on this one. Dead, wrong.

So I haven't done this before, but I'll go through song by song and explain why this is awesome, and why Brian from Lushbeat can suck it.

1. Too Tired to Wink

The album gets going with a jaunty and diverse tune. You never quite know where it's going, and frankly I still don't know what it's about. It's a good song to start the album, but probably not the best choice. It doesn't stand out a lot at first, but will get stuck in your head at some point gauranteed.

2. Cyborgs vs. Robots

The song that probably inspired the cover art, and the one I would pick for the first track. The album is intense, somewhat angry and has enough electronic influence to accomidate the subject matter. This is definitely a work-out song, it will inspire you to pump iron, and burn that spare tire into oblivion. "Your tyranny burs my circuitry I won't stand by, I know my rights and I will fight fight fight, yeah!"

3. Whipped Cream.

Where to begin. This is the single from the album, and the most mainstream sounding of the songs. DO NOT, repeat NOT take seriously. The lyrics are goofy, the music upbeat, and well, it's just fun. "Think I'm entitled to your body/got a little problem with personal space and i've been/pounding the yaeger/my breath and behavior/have been driving the patrons away." And then there's that darn video...

4. Anything for You

Sounding something like a Plain White T's song, if the Plain White T's had, you know, talent, but with a twist. "Never have you ever seen/so many perfect evergreens/but I would chop them all down just for you". It'll make you say, "aww, he's a psychopath". "My scar is from a polar bear my curse is from a witch/I've caught a giant squid in all the seven seas." However, it doesn't stand well to the test of time, and despite the creative lyrics is one of the more dispensable songs on the album.

5. Manta Rays

At first I didn't really like this song, but I've come to appreciate it greatly since I bought the album. It's quite, understated and atmospheric, and it adds up to freaking epicosity. It's now one of my favorites on the album, but I would have placed it in a different spot, due to some subject similarity to "Anything for You". Also, they kind of rip off Chris Rice. "You've haunted me in colors I've never seen/I feel strange and unprotected/but I'm weightless like I'm falling on the moon/I'm falling slow for you"

6. Skeletons on Parade

Oh yeah. From traveling minstrel, to smooth jazz, to goth rock and back, this song is EPIC! Arguably belongs on "Nightmare Before Christmas" and if it was, it would be the stand-out track, made up words withstanding. "Yock de hay dee, yockety hum/the devil is happy to say/heaven is having a hell of a time/skeletons on parade". I have but one complaint, and I'll have to explain it later, but for now, epic, the best track on the album (although I would have placed it at the end of the record). Perfect for Halloween. "shred your shroud/slip your fingertips through the ground/get those catacombs open/I'm hopin/you'll join us/everybody come on out". And later, "What a lovely lovely night/for a drink and a parade/we'll dance until the morning light/this town should be afraid". And cuz I have to, "I move without any muscles/my skull's a cavernous hall." "Flee the mausolea/fly sarcophagi/pandemone the plaza/tibia-fibia-fie!"

7. I'll Never be Lonely Again

Queue the transition! Maybe too much of a transition, as we revert to 50's R&B complete with crackling record effects. A fine ballad on its own, but on this album it has a whole new level of awesome. Lyrically it's really nothing special, but musically it's as good as anything of its kind. "If that star keeps consoling/I'll never be lonely again"

8. All the stars in Texas

Not a personal favorite, but I appreciate the subject matter. This song is a bit too guitar driven, and hard to really get into. It's about Bonnie & Clyde, which it took me too long to figure out, and it's not a bad song, just not a stand-out by any means. "All these people understand/is a gun in their face, or the cash in their hand/I wanna take you home and start a family/but all the stars in texas ain't got nothing on your eyes when you say/'Let's hit 'em baby one more time'"

9. Rotten Town

An early favorite that's faded with age, Rotten Town is a lot of fun. It's sort of a great drunk song I guess, about pirates marooned in a rotten town somewhere. "I scowl at the angry moon/I am sick on myself I'm a bum/What have I become/a drunken maroon/run aground/in this rotten town". Musically I can only describe it as Irish Pirate Rock. You just have to hear it to really get it, but definitely a solid track.

10. Overdone

At first I really didn't like this song, but as time has gone by it's become one of my favorites. A very depressing departure from Rotten Town, but amazing none the less. Harder than most of the songs, and a bit emo, it nonetheless has amazing lyrics. "I'm a snake/on a shelf/just a pile/of myself/while the mice/in the walls/find joy in it all/but I'm bad/bred to suffer/in the dark/in this room/I'll escape/I'll explode/get me out/make it soon" However, fair warning, it deserves its title as it feels a bit overdone. "It's just a chemical/I'm not a snake/I'm just falling apart again/look at me/I'm sobbing like a child"

11. Battle Cry

Overdone proves to be a dramatic mood swing, and now we're back where we were with track 9. Battle Cry is based on Queen's "We are the Champions" written from the perspective of the losers, as they get their ultimate revenge. It's a lot of fun the first few times, but it gets old, so don't expect to add it to any major playlists. Still, it's really fun, especially when it goes a bit too far. "And we'll eat their dreams/until they die inside/We'll raise their kids/and commandeer their wives/we'll curse their gods/and drink up all their wine/we will defeat the other guys!"

12. Safe in the Dark

And back to emo-land, in a song that I did like initially and still do. It has a nice base driven verse, with guitar serving as background. The chorus is explosive, and oddly enough it's the easiest song to take seriously. The entire song takes place in a phone-call between two friends and it really only amounts to small-talk, save for the chorus which I guess is some sort of omnicient narrator. "Well where are you guys then/we're up north just trying to beat the heat/When are you coming home?/Not sure I can make it back for weeks/So how are all your shows?/Kelly called and said your not all right/You take care of you/There's something bigger going on this time"

Hidden Track-Skeletons Lullaby

This is the ending too Skeletons on Parade, so why is it at the end of the album? Good question. They should have put the whole thing at the end, rather than having Skeletons at track 6. Is it a nitpick? Kind-of, but still they were that close.

The iTunes version has two bonus tracks, but they're not really worth talking about, just acoustic versions of "Whipped Cream" and "Rotten Town". They aren't bad, they just aren't much different than the originals, and certainly not better.

Final Rating: 3/4

While every song is listenable a few times, some of them get old, and their order is rather weird. Still, there are a few greats that I'll still be listening to in years, and Whipped Cream only has a matter of time before its one of my most played. A really good album, just shy of great.

Coming Soon:
Heroes: A Look Back

10 People Who Should Run for President 2012

Here's 10 people that should run for president in 2010, but undoubtedly won't...although they might conceivably win.

10. The Ask a Ninja Guy
Okay, nothing would get done, but who cares? His state of the union address would be epic.

9. Tim the Dorito Samurai
Self-explanatory.

8. Neville Longbottom
Why? Because he's a BAMF.

7. The Reanimated Corpse of Abraham Lincoln
Hey, it'll be 2012, if we haven't mastered reanimation, what is the future good for anyway?
EPIC!

6. James Earl Jones
Darth Vader, Mufasa, CNN, God, why not the President? Because America is stupid, that's why!

5. Tom Hanks
You could travel the world, and find not a soul who can genuinely dislike Tom Hanks. Believe me I tried. Has he had some bad movies? Sure *cough*davincicode*cough*. But you can't hate him. It is physically impossible.

4. Arnold Shwarzenegger (Aunuld Shwazzinayger)
GET TO THE CHOPPAH! It would be historic, it's lame that you have to be born here anyway, besides, we all know it would it would be awesome to have the Terminator as president. The presinator. The termident. Okay, not as cool as The Govanator, but hey, whatcha gonna do? That's right, vote for him!

3. Samuel L Jackson
You know you'd vote for him. Samuel L Jackson is the Chuck Norris for non-rednecks. Once again, BAMF.

2. Steve Jobs
Think about what he could do with his campaign. Insane marketing capacity, and a league of fan-boys that makes the Trekkies shiver in fear.

11. Lady Gaga
With more Facebook fans than Barack Obama and God combined, she's the only one who really has an icicle's shot in a deep-fryer of winning. Seriously, since its debut in 2008, "The Fame" has been a presence in the top 10 of the Billboard 200, falling out only a few months ago, not to mention her insanely successful singles, and with a new album on the way, well, she's unstoppable.

1. L from Death Note
Yup, you were tricked! Lady Gaga is #11, haha, twist ending! L is teh gratesst characture evar!!!!!!!!!1one!! Seriously though, L for President spread the word. He knows the importance of carbs in supporting brain function, since brain cells primarily use glucose as opposed to fats and proteins in their functions, excluding brain growth which obviously involves serious proteins, this is why stupid people cut carbs from their diets. also, this video.

A Quick Retraction and my Five Fave Bands.

Okay, first thing first, MGMT is a good band. I needed a tenth band for my list, and they were handy. Over the last week or so, I've discovered they are an acquired taste, and I've now acquired it. "Kids" which I previously stated was their "only good song" is their mainstream hit. If you hear the song, you probably won't think mainstream, but yeah, it is.

And now, my five favorite bands.

5. LUDO

I first heard of Ludo when they went on tour with my #1 on this list, but I didn't check them out until they released "Prepare the Preparations" which I bought on a whim. Best whim ever. An insanely eclectic piece of awesome, it features everything from smooth jazz, to classic bard playing, to heavy metal, all in one song. For all the genres the album encompasses, it would take up the rest of the blog, but the point is, they're all good. Can't wait to get more of there music, but unfortunately like everyone else, I'm broke. Oh, and did I mention, the lyrics are hilarious?

4. Ben Folds Five/Ben Folds

A superbly talented musician, Ben Folds has found himself a large fan-base, and most of them are younger than him. Piano pop/rock is not dead, it's just on life support, and that life-support is Ben Folds. Metaphors aside, you will have difficulty finding a more gifted musician. Unlike most of these other bands, his music is instantly accessible. However, like all these other bands, it is infinitely listenable. He has a large catalogue so of course I have a lot to listen to, but I have no doubt it will never cease to impress me.

3. Family Force 5

Say what you will about "Dance or Die", Family Force 5 is an amazing band. For once I have both of their albums (don't have "Dance or Die with a Vengeance", but hey, not made of money). While there is a big stylistic difference between their two albums, the core style remains, overbearing self-aware camp, phat beats and freaking awesomeness.

2. The Killers

The Killers are the most mainstream band on my list, scoring four albums in the top 10. Does that mean I'm a sell-out a shill and a poser? Heck no, it means they're awesome. "Hot Fuss" is an integral part of my life's soundtrack, but they're true masterpiece is "Day & Age". Even the critically derided "Sam's Town" is worth a look. While the lyrics are sometimes lacking and overwrought, one thing you know is it will always sound awesome. And after all, isn't that what music is all about? Note: Brandon Flowers solo album is so-so, you can't compensate for Killers.

1. Relient K

Surprised? Then you don't know me. I have every single one of their albums. Sue me, they're awesome. Lyrically inspired on every tune, never missing a chance at awesomeness, they are the soundtrack of my life. They've changed a lot over the years, but I for one dig the changes. The old stuff is still good, but it can't match the emotional and musical depth of their new stuff. If you're a poser fan who knows "Sadie Hawkin's Dance" and has a burned copy of "MMHMM", then take another look at this band. You'll never look back.

Top 10 Worst Indie Bands

Self-explanatory. Warning: Excessive Number of Hyperlinks

10. MGMT

Okay, I have "Kids" on my iPod, so why am I criticizing them? Because that's there only good song. The vocals are grating, the synth blaring and they're just an all around lame band.

9. My Morning Jacket

Lame, overbearing, over dramatic...just plain bad. Insipid lyrics that the fans for some reason think are genius. A really lame band.

8. Snow Patrol

Boring. They're like the Goo Goo Dolls but not popular. That should be self-explanatory.

7. Broken Bells

Something's broken. Screechy vocals, derivative and unappealing melodies...just unlistenable garbage.

6. Never Shout Never

Another one who has made an appearance on my iPod. I enjoy his music, but I know it's garbage. It's uncreative manufactured light pop with no significance whatsoever. Guilty pleasure.

5. Orbs

Yes, more unlistenable garbage. If you can sit through an entire song, you have ears of steel or live in a mental instution...or should.

4. Tweak Birds

Will make you claw your ears out. I have no idea what they were going for, but they failed.

3. xeatmewhileimhotx

Uncreative bland emo screamo garbage.

2. Circa Survive

There new album, "Blue Sky Noise" (which obviously makes no sense) got positive reviews from altpress.com. Altpress is stupid.

1. Any and every "Myspace Band"

You know what I'm talking about. Bands that are doomed (destined) to be lost forever on myspace with 100-something followers. It doesn't matter how many times you post ADD ME on MCR's page, you aren't going to be famous. If you haven't broken through yet, you never will. Note: this only applies to bands who've been on Myspace for five years or more.

Okay that doesn't count...for real.

1. Metallica

They aren't indie I just wanted to bring them up because, I hate them.

Okay this is seriously #1.

1. Modest Mouse

I hate them I hate them I hate them.

The End.

You band SUCKS! Part 2.

50. Carrie Underwood-Meh
49. Backstreet Boys-seriously? they're so 90's...meh, if you want lulz.
48. Alan Jackson-Murder him somebody
47. Maroon 5-If you like terrible music, you'll love them
46. Matchbox 20-Meh
45. Sean Paul-high meh
44. Fergie-Ugh...very low meh
43. Lil Wayne-Sucks
42. Miley Cyrus...do I even need to say it?
41. Ashanti-Who?
40. Dixie Chicks-Sucks
39. Faith Hill-in the right mood...meh
38. Taylor Swift-High Meh
37. Mary J. Blige-Can't name a single song...
36. Ja Rule-Who?
35. Santana-Rocks
34. R. Kelly-Sucks
33. Akon-Want to rip his face off and shove it down his throat...sucks
32. Outkast-sucks
31. Rascall Flats-Usually sucks, but overall meh
30. 3 Doors Down-Meh
29. Chris Brown-Beat him to death plz, kthx
28. Avril Lavigne-High meh
27. Jennifer Lopez-Taco taco, burrito burrito! Sucks
26. T. I.-Sucks
25. He who shall not be named (Kenny Chesney)-Sucks!
24. He who shall not be named (Justin Timberlake)-Sucks!
23. Tim McGraw-Sucks
22. He who shall not be named (Toby Keith)-Shut up parenthesis!
21. 'N Sync-SUCKS
20. Christina Aguilera-Mixed bag of Meh
19. Linkin Park-Old stuff was pretty good but new stuff is suck
18. Creed-Sucks
17. Rihanna-With one or two exeptions, sucks
16. Ludacris-Meh
15. He who shall not be named (Kanye West)-do you like fishsticks?
14. Kelly Clarkson-High Meh
13. P!nk-High meh
12. Them that shall not be named (The Black Eyed Peas)-imma be dead fool!
11. Mariah Carrey-High Meh
10. Jay-Z-Sucks
9. Destiny's Child-It is there destiny to suck
8. She who shall not be named (Britney Spears)-next please
7. Crazy Canadians who should be murdered (Nickelback)-KILL THEM! PLEASE SOMEONE!
6. 50 Cent-If you paid 50 cents for his album, you were robbed.
5. Alilcia Keys-Can sing, but not really my style...meh
4. Beyonce-Extremely low meh, so yeah, she sucks
3. Nelly-It's getting hot in here, because nelly sucked all the cold air out.
2. Usher-Anyone who says there own name in a song sucks...plus he hangs with Justin Bieber
1. Eminem-Before he sold out, he was good. That's a time long gone though.

You Band SUCKS!!!

SO that whole thing with Relient K and Disturbed...yeah I'm not doing that anymore, it was a stupid idea. Here's what I am doing. I'm taking the top 100 bands of the decade, according to billboard.com and breaking them down into three categories: sucks, meh, rocks.

Why? Cuz I felt like it.

100. Flo Rida-Sucks
99. Lonestar-Who?
98. Mario-Sucks
97. Katy Perry-Meh
96. Enya-Meh
95. Jessica Simpson-Sucks
94. Sisqo-Who?
93. Fall-Out Boy-high meh
92. Timbaland-meh
91. Joe....wait, just Joe? That's the name of the group?
90. Daughtry-Meh
89. No Doubt-Low Meh
88. Jagged Edge-Who?
87. U2-Meh
86. Chingy-Seriously? Who?
85. Shaggy-Scooby snack anyone?
84. The Fray-Sucks
83. Red Hot Chili Peppers-Meh
82. Bow Wow-Meh
81. Limp Bizkit-Sucks
80. The Pussycat Dolls-Sucks
79. The Beatles-Wow, they made it for this decade? Awesome! ROCKS!
78. Lifehouse-Sucks
77. Brad Paisly-Sucks
76. Shakira-Sucks
75. Staind-Sucks
74. Enrique Igelsias-Sucks
73. Lady Gaga-Rocks
72. Shandia Twain-Who?
71. Evanescence-High Meh (Amy Lee's solo work is good, but they're really a 1-hit wonder)
70. Aaliyah-Who?
69. John Mayer-SUCKS SO MUCH I WANT TO MURDER HIM!!!
68. Keith Urban-Sucks
67. Janet Jackson-Meh
66. Nelly Furtado-Who?
65. Dave Matthews Band-Meh
64. Snoop Dogg-Sucks
63. George Strait-Sucks
62. Ciara-Sucks
61. Green Day-Rocks for the most part...latest is meh
60. Norah Jones-Rocks, in the right mood
59. Josh Grobabn-Rocks, in the right mood
58. Madonna-Sucks
57. Ne-Yo-High Meh
56. Celine Dion-Meh
55. T-Pain-Sucks so much I want to kill him
54. Gwen Stefani-Sucks
53. Coldplay-High meh, in the right mood.
52. Missy Elliot-Who?
51. Kid Rock-Sucks so much I want to kill him.

Top 50 coming soon.

Disturbed vs. Relient K: How to Make Money vs. Making Good Music

In the music business there are too types of bands. Those in it for the money, and those in it for the music. This is a guide to achieving both goals.

Step 1: the First Album

After making it through the nightmare of somehow getting signed by a major label, you have to make an album. Let's examine how the two groups did.

Disturbed: The Sickness

The album is straight-forward a lot of the same sounding stuff, with angry lyrics and an overall lack of quality. Still, commendable as a first effort. B

Relient K: Relient K

Again straight-forward, amusing lyrics, lighthearted beats, not a lot of complexity, fairly low overall quality. B+

A first album is responsible for defining a band's sound, but the sophomore album is to distinguish a band's quality. If a band's first album is there best, (TFK, MGMT, Sum 41) than there's no where to build to.

Step 2: The Sophomore Album

This is where we find our disconnect. If a band stays the same, they'll invariably decline in quality. There's only so many angry angsty songs you can make. You need a bit of a style change to foster creativity. However, too much of a change (or practically any change) will tend to alienate some of your audience. A prime example of this is Family Force 5. The first album was hardcore crunk, the second was a synth-pop dance record. Subsequently, they lost a lot of there fan-base, and surprise surprise, plan to return to the old style for there third album. (for the record, I liked Dance or Die). Let's see how our test subjects do.

Disturbed: Believe

Basically identical to their first record. A bit more accomplished, but once again a lot of similar songs. It seems like they spent more time on the album cover than writing the songs. Disappointing lack of growth. C.

Relient K: The Anatomy of Tongue in Cheek

A great improvement. The difference between Relient K and Disturbed here, is that Disturbed broke out of the box with their first album. Relient K, well, didn't. This is there breakout and rightfully so. The album is lengthy, in the best way. The songs all sound similar, but there definitely distinguishable, and very unique. The lyrics are a huge improvement, and the music is a bit more proficient too. A.

Will continue this soon, after I do a bit more research.

The fall of the Album.

Everyone knows album sales have been growing weaker and weaker every year, while single sales have grown higher and higher. But you may not have realized how quickly it has happened, and that there's no end in sight. Today, 25,000 album sales will get you a spot in the top 10. This week, "The Devil Wears Prada" released a new EP, entitled "Zombie" which did just that. It hit #10 with first week sales of 25,000.

On the comparable frame last year, the #10 spot was held by "Now That's What I call Music 31", which sold 33,000 albums.

In 2008, Shwayze's debut album "Shwayze" (real creative there) entered at #10 with sales of 47,000. 0_o.

But why stop there? Let's look at the chart week ending March 7, 2010.

Lifehouse's Smoke & Mirrors hit #6 with sales of 54,000. In March 2007, Relient K's Five Score and Seven years ago opened to #6 with sales of 62,000. Not a good comparison? Whatever I just wanted to bring it up.

anyway...randomness....

Why Scott Pilgrim Bombed, and Vampires Sucked was a Hit

Sometimes Hollywood can have major tragedy. Death of James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, and depending on how much of a conformist idiot you are, Michael Jackson. But sadder than any of these events, is when a horrible movie does well, and a fantastic movie does poorly.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World was awesome. If you haven't seen it yet, go see it, or at least add it to your Netflix queue. However, audiences didn't seem interested, and it's something of a bomb.

Vampires Suck was terrible. I haven't seen it, but I know that. I know because the film-makers haven't made anything remotely watchable. However, audiences were interested, and it's something of a hit.

Okay, not really a hit, it made about 12 million opening weekend, but it cost so little that it'll make it's money back. Scott Pilgrim on the other hand won't, here's why.

1. Marketing

Vampires Suck was marketed to Twilight Haters, of which there are many, promising to lampoon the much hated series. The advertisements were all clear about this. Scott Pilgrim was marketed as...well a movie...I guess. It set up a clear premise, but didn't give very compelling reasons to see it. Among its failings was the lack of inclusion of Edgar Wright's name in its ads. People respect his work, Hot Fuzz and Shawn of the Dead. If they had been mentioned, it would have done better. But the real problem is they came off as a typical hipster flick, and while not generic, certainly less than amazing.

2. Timing

Vampires Suck came out less than two months after Twilight Eclipse. That means, people have seen it and had a chance to hate it, but haven't yet forgotten it. Perfect timing. Scott Pilgrim, well...perfect timing was hard to find, and it probably would have been killed due to marketing anyway. But opening in mid-August against a film fueled by action stars didn't help anything. If they'd gone for a Fall release, like Zombieland it could have done much better, or maybe a spring 2011 release like Kick-A

Big Fat Liar

Sometimes a movie is so bad it's good. Sometimes I movie is so bad it's bad. Sometimes, albeit rarely a movie is so good it's bad. Sometimes a movie is bad on purpose, trying to be "so bad it's good" that it's bad. And than there's Big Fat Liar.

This movie is, fantasy. Logic and reason do not apply here, and that's a good thing.

The film stars Frankie "oh my gosh I hate this kid" Muniz. Oh my gosh I hate this kid. He's just creepy, whiny and weird. It also stars Amanda Bynes. She's pretty awesome, and I'm quite saddened that she has quit acting. However, the real star here is Paul Giamatti. More on that later.

So our film begins with Jason Shepherd (Muniz) lying to people. The lies all seem inconsequential. Except one. He somehow forgot to do a paper that, guess what, counts for a third of his grade. Oh no, how will he get out of this one? Well long story short his teacher gives him three hours to write the paper, or he will face summer school. He manages to come up with something, but on his way to turn it in, he gets hit by a limousine. Inside is famed movie producer Marty Wolf (Giamatti) who reluctantly gives Jason a ride the rest of the way, when Jason threatens to sue him. However, Jason accidentally leaves his story, entitled "Big Fat Liar" in the limo! OH NOES! So of course, Jason ends up in summer school, which sucks. Oh, and Amanda Bynes is the movie too, playing Jason's best friend Kaylee. She hasn't really done much yet, and honestly she serves much the same purpose of a house plant. So Jason and Kaylee go to see a movie, and they see the trailer for a film entitled "Big Fat Liar". That's right, Wolf stole his thousand word story, and decided to turn it into a movie, and got a trailer out, all in a matter of days. Like I said, logic and reason don't apply here.
So Jason decides to go to LA to have a talk with Mr. Wolf. His parents are conveniently going away for a few days leaving him alone with his older sister. She, of course takes off with her boyfriend and is never seen again in the movie. Even more conveniently, Kaylee's parents are going away too! But uh oh! Kaylee was supposed to stay with her Grandma Pearl! So they hatch a genius plan to have one of the "bullies" that Kaylee tutors pretend to be her. He does this because...hey I guess it's kind of funny.
So when they get to LA Jason basically waltzes right into Wolf's office and asks him to call his Dad and tell him he did the assignment. Instead of simply saying no, Wolf pretends that he's going too, gets out the story, and "accidentally" burns it up with a cigarette. This is what I really like about the movie. Giamatti overdoes it so much, and quite literally becomes the meanest man alive.
That's enough of a synopsis, but needless to say it gets better from there. Donald Faison and John Cho turn in great and funny performances. Cho (before he was famous) plays a film director clearly modeled after Chinese director John Woo, which leads to some of the movie's funnier sequences.

All in all, this is a great example of a movie throwing logic and reason to the wind and being all the better for it. I give Big Fat Liar 3/4 stars.

Giving Credit Where Credit's Due.

All right, I've talked about this before, but it needs to be said. Something's rotten in the state of Hollywood. Writers are run-over. Few people even know what a producer does anymore. Stars are receiving credit for the writing of films. Directors are receiving credit, only when you know there names, otherwise they may as well be writers (which many of them are).

So now, I will examine a few innocent, albeit insipid comments your average movie-goer may make after a film.

"That movie was really funny! Will Ferrell is so funny!"
Who's Getting Credit: Actor
Who Deserves It: Writer, Director, Editor, and lastly, Actor

Let's take a look at how a comedy gets made, shall we? First, our writer (or writers) hash out a screenplay, revise it and rethink it, until it's ready for shooting. At this point, the production may already be doomed if the script sucks. Now, the producer sets up the film and well, produces. This has little effect on the ultimate outcome of most comedies, it can be fairly inept or completely immaculate, and it will make little difference. Now, it's our director's job to get the best performance possible out of our actor. Of course, there has to be a good actor in there in the first, place, who can deliver lines as required, and pull proper facial expressions. Now it falls to the director again to pick the best take. It then goes to the editor, who can end up mucking things up if he messes up the timing by cutting too much out, or leaving to much in. This is typically overseen by the director though. Another giant responsibility also falls to the director, deciding which portions of the film will end up on the cutting room floor, and which ones will make it to the silver screen. However, he doesn't get the final say. Usually, a film will be test-screened with audiences, and if there's a particular portion they don't like, it may well be cut. This, along with bogus money grabs, is the reason for all the "Director's Cuts" floating around these days. So, let's recap. Writer writes good script, director gets it done well, actors act well (funnily), director picks best stuff, editor keeps mojo, director cuts fluff, audience shove their stupid faces in it.

"That movie was lame. Michael Bay is a hack."
Blametaker: Director
Responsible: WRITERS, Director, Actors, Producer

All that really fell to Michael Bay was getting the good performances, setting up interesting shots, pacing the film, and cutting the fluff. Even if he failed at all of these (which he has done before) most of the responsibility still falls to the writers.

Controversial Opinions: Part 1

We all have our little quirks of opinion that we find few people agree with. We find ourselves going against the general consensus of the critical community. We find ourselves going against popular opinion. These are some such cases for me.

1. Corpse Bride is as good as Nightmare Before Christmas.

Of all of Tim Burton's films, Corpse Bride is the most controversial. Many feel like the simplistic storyline and a lack of memorable songs made it disappointing and lame. I disagree. The songs aren't memorable, that is true, but the movie is very enjoyable to watch, despite a somewhat simple story. There's a lot of effort in the film, that comes out beautifully. Nightmare Before Christmas also had a simple, albeit original and interesting plot, but I never found myself invested in the characters as I was in Corpse Bride, and many of the jokes fall flat. However, Nightmare has the music on its side, with "Jack's Lament", "What is this?" and virtually every other song in the movie virtually being a classic. They're both good, but I'm sure a lot of people hate to even compare the two.

2. Beetlejuice is lame

Another Tim Burton film, I never really got Beetlejuice. Nothing really happens. We leave the film in the same situation that it begins. Michael Keaton is fine as always, but not stand-out. Alec Baldwin turns in one of the worst performances of his career. Most of the jokes fall flat, and the ghosts and stuff really aren't that creative. It's still an okay movie, but it's far from ever being considered a classic in my book.

3. Miyazaki is not all that.

To be fair, I've only seen four of his films. Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea (2008), Howl's Moving Castle (2004) and Princess Mononoke (1997) and Castle in the Sky (1986). First of all, the animation is not all that. Sure, it's much better than most Japanese animation, and the don't do a lot of the shortcuts they do in those anime (like using excessive key frames, speed lines, etc.) but it's clear they needed more in-betweeners, it always looks quite stilted. Furthermore, and worse, the stories are confusing. Maybe it's because I don't know Japanese mythology or something, but the second halves of his films always involve some weird setting with weird stuff happening for no reason. Furthermore, the characters aren't that like-able or interesting, and they certainly aren't original. The exception to this was Ponyo, where I liked our two mains and Sosuke's mom, but the other characters in his other films are completely forgettable. Of the four films of his I've seen, Ponyo is my favorite. It's the most straight-forward, the most well explained and the least confusing, and (as mentioned before), you actually care about the characters. Even so, Mr. Miyazaki has yet to impress me, although I have yet to see many of his films.

Foreign Film Remakes

It's no secret that Hollywood isn't known for originality these days. Most movies are adapted from books, this is nothing new, but now more and more remakes and sequels are showing up all over. This is common knowledge, but what isn't is that many seemingly original films are actually remakes of foreign films.

Americans don't seem to like foreign films very much. They consistently fail to make even a slight blip on the box office radar. They're typically only seen by film buffs, so most people haven't heard of them. This makes them prime remake material. I recently found out that Dinner for Schmucks, coming out this weekend is based on the French film "The Dinner Game" from 1998. So I knew, I had to make this list.

Here's a short list of the most notable ones from the last 10 years:

China
The Eye (2008) from The Eye (2002)
The Departed (2006) from Internal Affairs (2002)

Denmark
Catch that Kid (2004) from Klatretosen (2002)
Brothers (2009) from Brodre (2004)

French
Taxi (2004) from Taxi (1998)

German
No Reservations (2007) from Bella Martha (2001)

Japan
Dark Water (2005) from Dark Water (2002)
The Grudge (2004) from Ju-On: The Grudge (2003)
One Missed Call (2008) from Chakushin Ari (2004)
The Ring (2001) from Ringu (1998)
Shall we Dance (2004) from Shall we Dansu (1996)

Korea
The Lake House (2006) from Il Mare (2000)
The Uninvited (2009) from A Tale of Two Sisters (2003)
Mirrors (2009) from Into the Mirror (2003)

Norway
Insomnia (2002) from Insomnia (1997)

Spain
Vanilla Sky (2001) from Abre Los Ojos (1997)
Quarantine (2008) from REC (2007)

Thailand
Shutter (2008) from Shutter (2004)
Bangkok Dangerous (2008) from Bangkok Dangerous (1999)

Sweden
Let Me in (2010) from Let the Right one In (2008)

and also some older ones you might not expect.

The Birdcage
Jungle 2 Jungle
The Parent Trap
Weekend at Bernie's
True Lies
Three men and a Baby

Thoughts on Comic Con News-So Far

So for those of you living under an iceberg in the north sea, trapped in a nursing home at the bottom of the ocean, or stuck in the delusion that Two and a Half Men is a good show, Comic-con is currently going on right now.

The first thing I want to talk about is Mega-Mind. Dreamworks Animation's new movie has done little to excite me...until now. A 4 minute preview revealed a lot (dare I say too much) about the movie's premise and now I really want to see this movie. Without spoiling anything, there is a very dark, very audacious twist. I think you should go see the film without knowing it, so I suggest avoiding trailers and previews from here on out, but dang, they went there.

No.2, the new teaser for Pirates of the Caribbean 4. When I say teaser, I really just mean Jack Sparrow talking to the camera for about two minutes...somehow this managed to excite me. This was really surprising, because I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE At World's End. One of the worst movies I've ever seen. I'm guessing nostalgia is what makes me want to see this, that and the hope that they can redeem themselves.

"Teaser" for Pirates 4

And now to the controversial stuff. The full cast of the Avengers was finally revealed.

Nick Fury-Samuel L. Jackson
Tony Stark/Iron Man-Robert Downey Jr.
Black Widow-Scarlett Johannsen.
Thor-Chris Hemsworth
Captain America-Chris Evans
The Hulk-Mark Ruffalo
Hawkeye-Jeremy Renner

So...the only real surprise here is Mark Ruffalo as the Hulk, which I'm unsure about. What I am sure about, is that this movie will SUCK. Why? Because two of the movies it will follow, Thor and Captain America will SUCK. The Incredible Hulk SUCKED. Iron Man 2 was...mediocre. I have no faith in this movie what-so-ever. Mark my words, it will be a disaster of epic proportions, looked back upon with the same disdain as Batman and Robin and Superman 4.

Breaking Even in Film: More movies cross the line!

Get him to the Greek
Production Budget: $40 Million
Domestic Gross: $60 million
Overseas: $21 million
Worldwide: $81 million

Get him to the Greek was a decidedly middling comedy, especially when you consider it's from heavyweight Judd Apatow. Still, it managed to make its money back, and it has more coming in overseas.

Predators
Production Budget: $40 million
Domestic Gross: $44 million
Overseas: $37 million
Worldwide: $81 million

After 14 days in theaters, Predators has crossed the mark to make its money back. Despite a very steep drop last weekend, I think Predators still has some legs left, especially overseas. Look for a sequel to be announced any minute now.

Despicable Me
Production Budget: $69 million
Domestic Gross: $138 million
Overseas: $12 million
Worldwide: $150 million

Despicable Me managed to defy predictions earlier this month and is holding onto its glory. It's made its money back, even before you take overseas numbers into account and could be considered the breakout hit of the summer. Obviously it's just getting started overseas, so by the end of its run I wouldn't put $400 million worldwide out of its reach. I'm still surprised they made this film for under $70 million, but boy is Universal happy with this!

Inception: Best Movie Ever?

Just (literally just now) got back from Inception. Wow. Just...wow.

Anything I say about the movie will practically be a spoiler. Suffice to say. Wow. GO SEE THIS MOVIE RIGHT NOW! Actually, you can wait for DVD, because even on DVD this movie will still be awesome. Not one for the kids though, they will be confused, and rightly so (as a matter of fact some adults might find themselves lost at certain points).

What can I even say? The script is amazingly layered with more twists and turns than any roller coaster ever built. That's actually a pretty good metaphor for this movie. While many compare your typical action fair to a roller coaster, this movie is a roller-coaster of the mind. The acting is superb from all parties and enhances the story greatly, the direction is solid and the effects are all great, but story is the key player here.

The only thing keeping this from being the perfect film, is the last three seconds. Instead of the satisfying ending we all want, something happens that keeps it away from us. I will say that the final twist remains in the spirit of the film, but for me personally it felt like a slap in the face.

My final rating is still 4/4 stars, but it could have been a 4.1. OR COULD IT! We may never know!!!!

Emmy Noms, who should win and who will win!

None among us is immune to flattery. So when I saw this comment in reply to me on the comment section of tvbythenumbers.com, I was ecstatic.

"You know, a friend of mine was reading the Emmy threads last night and commented that you are the smartest guy on this site. I can see what she means. ;)"

Insert the tossing of roses and thunderous applause.

Needless to say, I was/am ecstatic, and decided to do my own blog post on the subject.

I'm not going to talk about dramas, because, I really only watch 2-4 of them, depending on whether you count Psych and Chuck as dramas or comedies. Nothing I say will really be meaningful here. So, onto our first category.

Outstanding Actor in a Comedy Series
Nominations
-Jim Parsons (Big Bang Theory)-Shoot me
-Larry David (Curb your Enthusiasm)-Wild Card
-Matthew Morrison (Glee)-What is he doing here?
-Tony Shalhoub (Monk)-Could Win
-Steve Carell (The Office)-My Pick for the Win
-Alec Baldwin (30 Rock)-Will Probably Win

Should've been Nominated
-Aziz Ansari (Parks & Recreation, although he may have submitted as supporting)

Okay, let's look at these noms. First off, I don't watch the Big Bang Theory, but from what I've seen, it's garbage. Anyone could do what Jim Parsons does. If he wins it will be a travesty. Next. I don't watch Curb your Enthusiasm, so I can't really say here, but from clips I've seen it seems like a one-note performance for Larry David, I could be wrong, but whatever. Matthew Morrison of Glee doesn't deserve to be here. There's nothing special about his performance, he's definitely the straight-man of the show, so I can't imagine why he's here, except that the Emmy's love Glee. If he wins, the Emmy's will go down another peg in my book. Tony Shalhoub is sort of a predictable choice at this point, but he hasn't won in a few years. Since this was Monk's final season he could pull off a win, and he would probably deserve it. Although, he's been in that role so long he could do it in his sleep. Steve Carell hasn't won in a few years, which is a shame. I think he delivers the most consistently great performance among any of the nominees, despite a lack-luster year for the show overall. He deserves the win, but probably won't get it due to the show's overall quality. Alec Baldwin from 30 Rock really isn't that great. He's not bad, he does what he needs to, but he's rarely outstanding. Still, he's always believable and funny and isn't a bad choice. Critics have been less ecstatic about 30 Rock this year though, so he could potentially lose out. I'm not sure Aziz Ansari counts as a lead, but I would've liked to see him nominated. He pulls off the total jerk who thinks he's cool perfectly, and knowing what the guy is like in real life makes it all the more funny. Maybe next year Aziz, maybe next year you can bump one of these white guys out of the running.

Outstanding Actress in a Comedy Series
Nominations
-Lea Michelle (Glee)-Shoot me.
-Julia Louis-Dreyfuss (New Adventures of Old Christine)-Wild card
-Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie)-Could Win
-Amy Poehler (Parks & Recreation)-My Pick for the Win
-Tina Fey (30 Rock)-Will probably win
-Toni Colette (United States of Tara)-What is she doing here?

Lea Michelle may be a good singer, but she can't act for beans. She over-acts so badly you'd swear she was acting like she was a bad actress. She's not, she is that bad. If she wins well, you get the idea. I don't watch New Adventures of Old Christine, Nurse Jackie or United States of Tara, but any one of them could win. Apparently, United States of Tara has been a down season for quality, Colette probably won't win it. Tina Fey will probably win, but my pick is definitely Amy Poehler. Amy has turned in a great performance this year, goofy while still compelling, sweet and sour, pitiable yet reliable, she's a joy to watch. That's not to say Tina Fey is bad, but I think she's a much better writer than actress. New Adventures of Old Christine was canceled this year, so Julia-Louis Dreyfuss could upset, and I think that would be cool, even though I've never watched the show. I'd just like to see her tell CBS to "shove it".

Outstanding Comedy Series (Best Picture basically)
Nominations
-Curb Your Enthusiasm-Wild Card
-Glee-Shoot Me
-Modern Family-Could Win
-Nurse Jackie-What is this doing here?
-The Office-Lip Service
-30 Rock-My Pick to win, will probably Win

Snubbed: Parks & Recreation, Community, Psych (although Psych might qualify as Drama)

Since my pick, Parks & Recreation was snubbed in a dastardly plot against quality, I have to go with 30 Rock for the win, and win it most likely will. However, Modern Family has the buzz on its side, and could pull it off. Modern Family has been funny, but it's not rofl hilarious. If it won, it would be a fair choice though. With Curb your Enthusiasm in its last season, it could cause an upset, but I can't speak for the quality of the show. Glee shouldn't even qualify as a comedy. It's a soap opera with a few good jokes and some musical numbers. If it wins, well, you get the idea. Haven't watched Nurse Jackie, but I'm pretty sure it falls more on the drama side of things, won't win. The Office is only here because of the strength of previous seasons, not because of this one. It's here out of habit, not actual quality. If it wins, I will be shocked. Now to the snubs. I am so heartbroken over Parks & Rec getting ignored that I won't say anymore about it. Community is also surprising, as that would've been my second choice. Psych I love, but it probably didn't really deserve it, and could be a drama. But, to quote Phil Collins, they'll be in my heart, no matter what they say.

So there's my views, and this is probably the longest blog post I've ever done. Next year parks & rec! Next year!

Writing for Box Office Prophets?

Don't get your hopes up but I'm writing a sample review for BOP.com, I'm hoping it gets in. Cross your fingers. I'll post the review here later.

Here's there website. www.boxofficeprophets.com

Lady Gaga has more fans than God

Yes it's true. On facebook, God (Public Figure) has 3,433,722 fans. Lady Gaga has 12,418,351.

Okay, obviously this isn't reflective of actual numbers. God obviously has more real world fans than Lady Gaga. Heck, according to statistics 90% of Americans believe in God, or at least a god. Oddly, only 12 of my friends are fans of the deity, whereas I'm pretty sure most of my 114 friends are actually Christians of some kind (yeah I know only 114, sue me). Oddly enough, four of my friends are fans of Lady Gaga (if I was honest, I would be too and a few more people would be) considering all things that's a weird statistic. Lady Gaga is also ahead of Barack Obama, who has 10,674,716 fans (two of which are friends of mine).

Anyway, I don't know if I have a point to all of this, I just thought it was weird. For the record, Michael Jackson is the #1 most fanned page on Facebook with over 16 million fans (oddly enough none of my friends are fans). Go figure.

Top 10 Movie Sequels that will probably never happen, Part 2

5. Zombieland 2

Zombieland was a critical and commercial success in 2009, so why wait for a sequel? Because the writers are freaking busy. This probably doesn't belong on the list, but I just want to see it already! The script probably won't even be finished until 2011! Dangit!

4. G. I. Joe 2

Why a movie even got made in the first place is beyond me...oh yea because Transformers made so much money. Despite a strong start at the box office, GI Joe was a commercial and critical failure. So of course, we need a sequel. Here's the kicker, it's being written by Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick. Who? The guys who brought you, Zombieland. CHEESE AND FREAKING CRACKERS! >:( So, in case you didn't get that, the reason Zombieland 2 is taking so long is that we all needed another GI Joe movie! DARN YOU CHANNING TATUM!

3. Yet another freaking Mummy movie.

Why? I liked the first mummy, it was a fun little movie, and I prefer it to the National Treasure movies by a lot. The second film, was pure and utter garbage that made Back to the Future 2 look original. The third movie however, looked like it had potential. Which was utterly wasted in a film that somehow managed to be worse than the second Mummy, and is on my list of top 5 worst films I've ever seen. Even though it disappointed in the US, overseas it performed extremely well, thanks China, we all wanted a Mummy 4, didn't we.

2. Goonies 2

okay, this post is spiraling out of control. Maybe I should have actually had 10 films lined up, now this is just movie sequels that never needed to happen...oh well, I never claimed to be consistent. Making a sequel to a film like Goonies, which has now been around nearly 25 years is just silly. Why make it? Well it doesn't matter, they apparently are...they wish. They've been trying for 25 years and are no-where, my guess is it'll never happen, thank goodness. Sometimes, movies just need to be alone. Here's looking at you George Lucas.

1. The Hobbit

Oh my freaking gosh, where do I begin? This has languished in development hell for...well since "Return of the King". After a falling out with New Line, it was clear Peter Jackson wouldn't be directing, and after years of rumors and struggle, finally Benicio Del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth) signed on. It looked like a sure thing, with a Holiday 2010 release date. And then, for whatever reason it never happened. And now we're back to square one. Coming soon websites have its earliest release date at 2012, but I'm a bit more realistic. The soonest we will see this movie is 2027. That's if we're lucky, and if anyone even cares anymore.

Top 10 Movie Sequels that will never happen!

Self-explanatory.

10. Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Sea of Monsters

After Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, despite its ridiculously long title, debuted to over $30 million domestically, 20th Century Fox declared a sequel to be on the way, adapting the next book, The Sea of Monsters. What have we heard of it since? Jack. Not that I care, as I have never and probably will never see the first movie. The reason for its apparent cancellation was the poor reception and the quick box office decline. That, or the fact that the title would be even LONGER. Who cares, moving on.

9. The Amber Spyglass (Sequel to The Golden Compass)

This may seem strange, since The Golden Compass sort of flopped here in the states. But overseas, the film scored massive numbers, and it looked like a sequel could happen. Despite this, WB has decided not to make a sequel, and I can't blame them. Oh well. Who cares, moving on.

8. Hoodwinked 2

Okay, I've had several blogs featuring this movie, but we're now over half-way through 2010, and a release date still hasn't been stated. Originally planned for release in January 2009, this movie has been well below the radar. It's been completed for quite a while now, but just can't seem to get released. Maybe the quality is so terrible that the Weinstein's are embarrassed to release it. That would be sad indeed. This is the only film on the list to have entered production.

7. A Series of Unfortunate Events Sequel

It's been six years since the first film, and sequel rumors continue. How the heck they will pull it off is anyone's guess, since the kids are older now. There's been talk of a stop-motion film, but that would just be weird. I would like to see a sequel though, since this is without a doubt my favorite series of Children's Books. However, realistically it will never happen.

6. Superman 6

2006's Superman Returns was a commercial and critical disappointment for WB. Why make a sequel? They supposedly made money, and Superman has had great success in his past. Originally, a film directed by Bryan Singer was scheduled for a 2009 release, titled "Superman: Man of Steel". This would have been ideal for me, as I actually liked Superman Returns (don't stone me). Of course it didn't happen and talks of a reboot have been floating around forever. Will it ever happen? Well, yes probably, but not in the foreseeable future.

5-1 coming soon.

Universal will Survive

Despicable Me went far and above my expectations this weekend, earning over $60 million. This is especially impressive since it only cost $69 million to produce. I don't see why so much money is spent on animated films, this doesn't look much cheaper than the other animated features this year, which were all more than twice that much to produce. The real news here though, is this is the first time a Universal picture has been #1 since "Couple's Retreat" last October. That's a long dry spell. It's also Universal's biggest opening since "Fast and Furious" last April. Fast and Furious was the highest grossing film of the year for Universal, but it ranked #17 on the overall chart. It's no secret that the studio has been in trouble as of late, their last picture to make over $200 million was "The Bourne Ultimatum" in 2007. In that time, WB has had seven pictures to cross that mark. Fox has had 3, Sony managed 1, Disney afforded 5, and Paramount has had a shocking eight. Despicable Me could conceivably cross $200, but it's certainly not money in the bank. Still, this is good news for a studio with only one profitable film this summer, Get him to the Greek.

Weekend Box Office Predictions July 9-11

Despicable Me
Predicted Opening: $45 million
Predicted Final Gross: $150 million

Despicable Me has done a great job of raising awareness. For the past three or four months ads for the thing have been non-stop. This may end up turning people off of the film, but I doubt it as most of the ads are quite appealing (well, the first time you see them). I imagine this will come in mid-range for animation, below Pixar, but well within Dreamwork's range. It should be somewhere around How to Train your Dragon in terms of initial attendance, but I expect it to drop-off more quickly. Although the movie is spaced out a full two months before the next animated feature, Alpha and Omega (Which looks terrible by the way), it will be facing competition in the family market quite soon. July 16th, the Sorcerer's Apprentice opens, and while I don't see it being gangbusters, it could hurt Despicable Me a little. Perhaps more worrisome is Ramona and Beezus on the 23rd, and then Cats and Dogs 2 on the 30th. By this time though, Despicable me should have made most of its money, so it will do all right, just not How to Train your Dragon numbers.

Predators
Predicted Opening Weekend: $20 million
Predicted Total Gross: $50 million

On the opposite end of the marketing spectrum is Predators. Hardly anyone seems to know this is coming out and even fewer people care. It seems like it will appeal to the hard-core Predator fan-base, but outside of that I'm predicting a bomb. Even if it does okay its first weekend though, it will crash next weekend when Inception opens. This seems doomed, now all it can hope for is a strong life on DVD and the development of a cult following.

The Last Airbender

Well, I finally went to see the Last Airbender yesterday...and it took me a while to figure out how I felt about it. I went in expecting total garbage, which the reviews pointed towards...That wasn't quite what I found. The acting was bad, the camera work was uninspired, the action was dull...but it was a coherent story with some great (albeit wasted) special effects. So it wasn't all that bad. I was literally going between a thumbs up and a thumbs down. But then I realized I was thinking of the film in terms of what wasn't bad, not in terms of what was good. There really was nothing about this film that was really good. Thus I have to give it a thumbs down, for horribly wasted potential. And to top it all off, the ending is a total Eragon, hinting at a sequel that will likely never get made (despite a strong first weekend showing for the film). M. Night Shyamalan is getting the blame for the film's quality, and so he should, not because he isn't talented (Heck, I even liked Lady in the Water) but because he just doesn't seem to care. He clearly picked this film to re-invent himself and pull in strong box office. However, it's clear his heart isn't in it and it just comes across as lazy.
As bad as the acting is, there are a few decent performances (or else they just look that way next to the other horrible actors). Dev Patel of Slumdog Millionaire turns in a serviceable, but one-note performance. But a total lack of characterization is what kills this movie. Honestly, it is too short, coming in at just over 100 minutes. Consider it was based on the first season of the tv series, which is over 400 minutes. Even so, parts of the film seem like they could have been cut out, and others desperately need expanded. Ultimately, this is a mess. You might have a little fun with it, and it's not "indescribably bad" as one critic stated, but it really is just a movie with great potential, squandered by lazy film-makers. 1.5 stars out of 4.

Breaking Even in Film

It's a generally understood fact in Hollywood, that to make money on a film you have to surpass the budget. Usually, if the worldwide gross is twice the film's budget, it is considered to have broken even, and is typically considered successful, considering the money that will be made on DVD. Why double? Due to marketing costs, and the fact that about 50% of the gross actually goes back to the studios. Considering that, even films considered successful often don't make money until the DVD comes out. I consider breaking even the most important thing for a film to achieve, so I'm going to list the films this summer that have done so, and in future posts I may include more of them...just cuz I wanted to. Note: While production budgets are readily available, marketing costs are usually kept under wraps, so that part will be conjecture on my part. Usually there's one wide release every week that manages to actually make money.

Iron Man 2
Production Budget: $200 million
Domestic Gross: $308 million
Overseas: $303 million
Worldwide: $611 million

Even when marketing is taken into account, you can't deny that this movie made money. Despite a weaker overall performance domestically, this has surpassed the first film worldwide.

Letters to Juliet
Production Budget: $30 million
Domestic Gross: $51 million
Overseas: $8.9 million
Worldwide: $59.9 million

Okay, this technically has not broken even, but it will within a few days, and then some once the overseas market kicks in (it has yet to be released in most markets). This is a good example though of how difficult it is to break even on a film, even with a modest budget. Taking into account marketing costs, this movie probably won't make money till the DVD comes out, but I think the studio was counting on that.

Shrek Forever After
Production Budget: $165 million
Domestic: $233 million
Overseas: $137 million
Worldwide: $370 million

Despite performing far below the other Shrek films, (although it has better legs than Shrek 3) Shrek 4 has managed to more than break even, and is still just getting started on the foreign side of things. With marketing, it still has a ways to go but will probably make it by the time all the foreign markets are tallied.

Sex and the City 2
Production Budget: $100 million
Domestic: $93 million
Overseas: $172 million
Worldwide: $265 million

Another movie that did below expectations domestically, Sex and the City 2 has managed to make money, despite a bloated budget and horrible reviews. The DVD will have to recoup most of the marketing costs, but (sadly) a third film is not entirely out of the equation...blech.

The Karate Kid
Production Budget: $40 million
Domestic: $155 million
Overseas: $24 million
Worldwide: $179 million

A run away success, which I predicted. No matter how much was spent on marketing the studios have made a boatload of cash on this picture, and it will only increase, since it has yet to launch in many major overseas markets, and is still playing strongly here in the US.

Toy Story 3
Production Budget: $200 million
Domestic: $301 million
Overseas: $151 million
Worldwide: $452 million

Who didn't expect this? Even with a $200 million budget to conquer, this is one of the most recent films to make it's money back. It's still playing strongly here, and has yet to launch in many places overseas. When all is said and done on the box office side, this will probably be the highest grossing film of the summer. Almost certainly.

Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Production Budget: $65 million
Domestic: $175 million
Foreign: $100 million
Worldwide: $275 million

After only six days of release, Eclipse is one of the most profitable films of the year, having made more than 4 times its budget back. In the end its profits will be unimaginable, proving that a big budget is almost always a hindrance more than a help. Take notes Hollywood, and you can all make money. (preferably however, have better stories than Twilight, my point is special effects and big names do not box office make)

Searching for Meaning (Grasping at Straws)...in Toy Story 3.

People certainly know how to find whatever they're looking for wherever they want to. I don't really have much to say except...geez people. Read on. Warning: If for some reason you still haven't seen Toy Story 3 (acceptable reasons: You have cancer, are trapped under a pile of semi-trucks or are being held captive by terrorists) there are spoilers ahead. Abandon all hope those who enter here...and all reason.


"Andy is seventeen and about to leave for college. These toys are left behind, just as host nations left behind the Jews as the Third Reich conquered Europe.

Woody holds a meeting, where the assembled toy family discusses possible outcomes for their new position in the world. Change a few words and it is the same exact scene at the train station from Roman Polanski's award winning Holocaust drama "The Pianist."

"No, we won't just be abandoned. Surely we can be useful to them somehow. Yes, we've lost friends (Bo Peep), but surely that can't happen to us." Buzz Lightyear stands forward and suggests sanctuary IN AN ATTIC. Are you kidding me?

The cattle car comes for the toys in the form of a horrible garbage bag - but they don't go straight to extermination. They find themselves alive and at Sunnyside where they are put "to work."

Once there, they meet the toy version of Sonderkommando, toys who live the stay fed and well-sheltered (like Ken in his dream house) while leading other toys to a certain death. Newcomers are bashed and abused in the "Caterpillar Room" by non-age appropriate children until they resemble Muselmann and are eventually thrown into the trash chute.

The trash chute leads to a systematic sorting of metal (e.g. any last valuables) until, eventually, the fiery crematoria.

Our heroes get saved at the last minute, of course, and they find themselves a new homeland. It is a place where many of their kind already live and have an established foothold, and it would appear that security, finally, is at hand if they are vigilant." -UGO.com

Well, was the Holocaust metaphor too much for you? Maybe twisting a few things there? Brace yourself.

"Simply incredible. I'm 18 and going off to college soon. I couldnt help but notice this movie is pure symbolism. From the begining I could tell that it was meant to stand out against our soon to be materialist postmodern culture.The parallels this movie displays with Christian theology are ingenious. Andy's departure to college was meant to catch the attention of the generation who grew up watching the toy story movies, we are now also going away to college.

But this whole movie is a metaphor for the present and the future of Christians, try to follow me on this thought. Andy represents Jesus/Christianity. The toys have an interesting choice from the very begining, follow Andy, or give in and follow the easier path that leads to uncertainty, but also a possible sense of freedom (follow christianity/Jesus, or take the easy materialist approach to life).

Interestingly enough one toy says "we can become masters of our own destiny", This represents the antibiblical worldview that is recently in full bloom which questions tradition, authority,and the moral absolutes rooted in the Christian religion. The outcome that corresponds to their actions leads them to a place that seems dream like at first, but proves to be no more than a deception. I dont want to spoil any more but see if you also find some type of metophor that ultimately leads them to "heaven" from their decision to follow Andy. Hint: the rapture is included" - Chistiananswers.net, viewer comments section.

What's next? Apartheid? Global warming? Cloning? Stem-cell research? Or maybe it's just a good story and doesn't stand for anything. Ever think of that?

In conclusion, people are idiots and go see Toy Story 3.

4th of July Weekend Box Office Predictions

Next weekend Twilight: Eclipse opens and will doubtless dominate the box office, the real question is how high it will fly, and whether fellow opener "The Last Airbender" will stand up tall beneath the behemoth, a la "Day After Tommorow" in 2004, or crash and burn a la...Jonah Hex. Let's see what I think.

Twilight Eclipse
Opening Size: 4000+ theaters, probably upwards of 7,000 screens
Budget: $65,000,000
Predicted Opening (from June 30-July 4): $165,000,000
Predicted Total Gross: $330,000,000

Yes, I'm predicting it will fly just as high/higher than the last picture. The major difference here is Eclipse's opening on a Wednesday for a 5-day independence day opening, while New Moon opened on the Friday before thanksgiving. New Moon hit brought in nearly $73 million the first day, that's a record. However, for the weekend it came out to $142 million, less than double the opening day. I think Eclipse will hit a similar pattern, upwards of $70 million on Wednesday, with $30-40 for Thursday, $30-40 Friday, $30-40 Saturday and less than $30 Sunday, although with Sunday being independence day it might get a boost. 75+35+35+35+25...actually that comes to $205, which I can't imagine considering that would be the biggest 5-day gross of all time. Expect it to drop off much quicker off of the opening day...but still a ridiculously massive start.

The Last Airbender
Opening Size: 3000+ theaters, as many as 6,000 screens
Budget: $150,000,000
Predicted Opening (July 1-4): $60,000,000
Predicted Total Gross: $200,000,000

The Last Airbender is based on the Nickelodeon anime-like series, which has been very successful. It is directed by M Night Shyamalan, which I don't think will have much sway here one way or another. I think the property will either sell or it won't and Shyamalan may take credit, or blame, but he really won't affect it at all I don't think. I predict solid business, as it has generated a good amount of buzz for this type of picture, and may successfully counter-program Eclipse. All the teenage-tweenage girls will go see Twilight, which will drive the far-less interested male audience to other pictures. Airbender may just fit the bill. I expect the audience to skew heavily male, and also heavily under age 25. (whereas Eclipse will obviously skew female) Airbender, oddly enough opens the day after Eclipse, which I think was a very smart move. The multi-plexes will be overrun with Twilight fans the first day, but in following days it will be much slower for that picture. I think the weekend breakdown will also be more even for Airbender, with less focus on the opening day. But we'll see, won't we.

More Box Office Predictions...and Why I didn't predict last week

So last week before the weekend came up, predictions for the Karate Kid were in the $20-$30 range. I had planned to predict in the $50-$60, considering all the buzz I've seen from it, not online but from, you know, real people. After seeing the "professional" predictions however, my self-esteem was shattered, and I thought, "I really must know nothing about the box office business" and decided not to do a predictions post. Hindsight is 20/20, but I should have stayed true. No one was predicting Karate Kid to do as well as I said, but it turns out I was right and they were wrong. I just wish now that I would have said I was right, as now no one will believe me anyway.

There is a silver lining though, as I was going to predict A-Team in the $30-$40 range, but it underperformed. Still, that's where most people were predicting, so I would have been okay on that level.

Moving on, let's look at next week, and this time I won't back down.

Toy Story 3
Opening Weekend Prediction: $120-125 million
Predicted Total Gross: $400 million +

This week I'm predicting much of what helped the Karate Kid, on a much larger scale. Where do I begin? 1. This is the animated event picture of the summer, after Shrek 4 disappointed, this is going to clean up in a big way. 2. All the kids who grew up with Toy Story are going. This is now a full two generations of kids. 3. Everyone seems extremely positive towards this film. I'm convinced that even the most hardcore "Godfather" fan, is secretly going to see this, and the critics will be positive even if it sucks. Look out Karate Kid, you're about to get pwned.

Jonah Hex
Opening Weekend Prediction: $10-20 million
Predicted Total Gross: $50-60 million

Can you say, bad buzz? Fans of the comic books show about as much interest as the rest of us in this movie, and that's a bad sign. You would be hard-pressed to find anyone excited about this film. While counter-programming Toy Story 3 seems like a good move, I think it will ultimately back-fire since Toy Story 3 will have extremely broad appeal. Maybe Jonah will find some life on DVD, but in the theaters I'm not expecting much at all.

Why Twilight is Genius

SHOCKING TITLE GET YOUR ATTENTION?

Good, now listen up, this is from a box office perspective, this is why Summit Entertainment studio heads are some of the smartest people alive.

Summit somehow acquired the rights to the enormously (and oddly) popular Twilight franchise for pittance. Since the books require little in the way of a massive budget, and Summit had little cash to spare, they churned out the first film for a mere $37 million. It went on to make $192 million domestically, and $216 million overseas. $408 million worldwide vs. $37 million budget. Dayang.

However, Summit realized the Twilight craze would soon fade, and managed to churn out a sequel in less than a year. Where most studios would double the first film's tiny budget, Summit kept cool, raising the budget only $13 million, to $50 million. New Moon handily broke the all-time opening day record, with $73 million dollars in the till after only 24 hours. It went on to make $297 million domestically and $413 million overseas. $709 million worldwide vs. $50 million budget. Shoot.

At this point even the most conservative studio execs would lose their restraint and green-light a production of $100 million plus. Twilight Saga: Eclipse comes out at the end of June, with a mere $65 million price-tag.

I salute you, Summit. But the real genius perhaps lies in the fact that the Twilight films require little money to make, and bring in the big bucks. Love it or hate it, Twilight is a phenomenon, and it will be gone soon, which is why the fourth film has recently been split into two, to make it last that much longer.

Bogus Box-Office Bumblings

So far this summer the money aspect of film has been...disappointing.

Iron Man 2 shattered no records.
Robin Hood didn't have any heroics.
Shrek 4 dropped steeply from the last film.
And now, Sex in the City 2 and Prince of Persia both underperformed.

What's in store for June? Can the picture business bounce back? Let's take a look.

June 4

Marmaduke
Predicted Opening Weekend: $20-$30 mil.
Predicted Total Gross: $80-$90 mil.

It looks awful, but this sort of thing has done well lately. Alvin & the Chipmunks, G-Force and Beverly Hills Chihuaha are recent examples of this. Moving on.

Killers
Predicted Opening Weekend: $20-$25 mil
Predicted Total Gross: $60-75 mil

This could suffer, due to the recent Bounty Hunter which is in similar territory, as well as the later-in-the-month appearance of Knight & Day. It will probably find modest success, with breakout potential for much more, largely based on Ashton Kutcher's bankabillity with the younger crowd.

Get him to the Greek
Predicted Opening Weekend: $20-$25 mil
Predicted Total Gross: $70-$90 mil

Judd Apatow is an interesting animal from a box office perspective. He's topped $100 million a few times, but most of his stuff is more mid-range, and he had 1 bomb (Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story). This will probably do fairly well.

Splice
Predicted Opening Weekend: $12-$14 mil
Predicted Total Gross: $35-$40 mil

Foreign Horror does better with critics than American stuff, but audiences and critics rarely line-up. I'm predicting solid returns, but on such a busy weekend, something's gotta bomb, and it may well be Splice.

Note: As stated earlier, something's gotta bomb. I predict that at least one of my predictions is vastly overstating actual business, and something will be a surprise failure on this weekend.

Come back next week for more.

Complex Math Equations=Movie Quality

1. Robin Hood (Altered Folklore) + Ridley Scott (Director: Gladiator, Braveheart) + Russel Crowe (Actor: A Beautiful Mind, Gladiator) = Robin Hood (Generic Film Fail)

Robin Hood (Folklore) - Fun (Attribute) = Robin Hood (Altered Folkore)
Ridley Scott = Ridley Scott
Ridley Scott + Robin Hood (Altered Foklore) = Robin Hood (Genius new Vision)
Robin Hood (Genius New Vision) + Studio Interference = Robin Hood (Generic Film)
Robin Hood (Generic Film) + Russel Crowe = Robin Hood (Generic Film Fail)

2. Sherlock Holmes (Series of Novels) + Guy Ritchie (Director: RocknRolla, Snatch) + Robert Downey Jr. = Sherlock Holmes (Fun Film Win)

Sherlock Holmes (Series of Novels) = Fail
Sherlock Holmes (Series of Novels) + Film Adaptation = Much Less Fail
Sherlock Holmes (Film Adaptation) + Guy Ritchie = Sherlock Holmes (Potential Great Film)
Sherlock Holmes (Character) + Robert Downey Jr = Sherlock Holmes (Potential Great Character)
Sherlock Holmes (Potential Great Film) + Sherlock Holmes (Potential Great Character) = Sherlock Holmes (Fun Film Win)

3. Iron Man (Original Film) + Don Cheadle + Scarlett Johanssen + Samuel L. Jackson + Sam Rockwell + Mickey Rourke + Gary Shandling - Terrence Howard - Origin + Boring Midsection = Iron Man 2 (Mediocre Film Meh)

Self explanatory.

Watch this, Not That: Summer Edition

The long-anticipated summer edition of what I so pompously wrote about in spring. Without further ado, watch this not that, summer edition.

Watch This

Iron Man 2 (May 7)
Directed by: Jon Favreau (Iron Man, Zathura, Elf)
Written by: Justin Theroux (Tropic Thunder)
Starring: Robert Downey Jr, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mickey Rourke, Scarlett Johansson, Don Cheadle, Sam Rockwell, Samuel L. Jackson, Paul Bettany

The surprise hit of 2008, making over $300 million domestically. I was determined to hate the first film, but I just couldn't do it, and I'm at least a little excited for the sequel, due out this Friday. All the major cast is solid, adding Scarlett Johansson (The Other Boleyn Girl, The Prestige), academy award nominee Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler), Sam Rockwell (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Galaxy Quest), Samuel L. Jackson (Unbreakable, Pulp Fiction) and Don Cheadle (Ocean's 13, Traitor) to replace Terrence Howard. Of concern however, is the change in writers from Mark Fergus and Hawk Otsby (Children of Men), Art Marcum and Matt Holloway (Punisher: War Zone), to relative newcomer Justin Theroux (who appeared recently on NBC's "Parks & Recreation"). Also, early word of mouth is largely luke-warm, making this sound like another Spiderman 2 (or for people who liked Spiderman 2, insert Spiderman 3).

Trailer for Iron Man 2 (Even though I know you've already seen it)

The A-Team (June 11)
Directed by: Joe Carnahan (Smokin' Aces, Narc)
Written by: Brian Bloom, Michael Brandt (Wanted, 3:10 to Yuma), Skip Woods (Hitman, Swordfish)
Starring: Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Jessica Biel, Sharlto Copley, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson

Based on the infamously cheesy 80's TV show of the same name, this movie looks like it has potential for awesomeness. Then again, it might be a catastrophe of apocalyptic proportions, but either way I recommend a watch. I haven't seen any of Joe Carnahan's work, but the critics seem to think it was mostly solid. The same goes for writer Michael Brandt, but Skip Woods has a less glowing resume. Liam Neeson is always fantastic, but the rest of the cast seems mediocre at best. The main reason this is on the "watch" list is due to a lack of better stuff out there in mid-June.

Trailer for The A-Team

Toy Story 3 (June 18)
Directed by: Lee Unkrich (Finding Nemo, Monsters Inc, Cars)
Written by: Michael Arndt (Litte Miss Sunshine)
Starring: Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Joan Cusack, Michael Freaking Keaton, Bonnie Hunt, Wallace Shawn

I'm probably the biggest skeptic this film has, most everyone seems excited for it, but I'm not so sure. Lee Unkrich's last film Cars was a phenomenal disappointment for me, and the writers of the original Toy Stories aren't returning. Still, definitely going to see it and recommend that you do to. Plus, Michael Keaton is the man.

Toy Story 3: The Trailer

Despicable Me (July 9)
Directed by: Pierre Coffin (Gary's Fall), Chris Renaud (No time for Nuts)
Written by: Ken Daurio and Cinco Paul (Horton Hears a Who, College Road Trip)
Starring: Steve Carell, Kristen Wiig, Miranda Cosgrove, Jason Segel, Ken Jeong, Will Arnett, Julie Andrews, Russell Brand, Danny McBride

I love animated films. I really do. So even though it has two new-coming directors, writers of serviceable, but largely uninspired kids films and enough big-name stars to sink any treasure ship, let alone a film, I want to see this. To quote the trailer, "This is garbage! You like this stuff?" Yes, yes I do.

Despicable Me Trailer

Dinner for Shmucks (July 23)
Directed by: Jay Roach (Meet the Parents, Austin Powers)
Written by: Ken Daurio and Cinco Paul *Mentioned Above*
Starring: Steve Carell, Paul Rudd, Zach Galifianakis

Comedies are perhaps the hardest genre of film to market these days. Making a film stand out as a comedy is incredibly difficult, and there is really no known workable formula for success (unless you're talking Rom Com). Two tactics are big-name stars and an insanely original premise. Neither have a very good success rate. Dinner for Shmucks has both, and I think it looks darn funny. I haven't liked Jay Roach's previous work, it was all a bit too mean-spirited, and I think there may be more of that this time around. Ken Daurio and Cinco Paul don't inspire much confidence either. But I still think this is at least worth a look, queue the trailer.

Roll Film

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (August 10)
Directed by: Edgar Wright (Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead)
Written by: Edgar Wright, Michael Bacall (Bookies, Maniac)
Starring: Michael Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Chris Evans, Brandon Routh, Alison Pill

Scott Pilgrim looks like the kind of movie that will either be non-stop total win, or non-stop total fail. However, with Edgar Wright aboard (I've never seen his films, but others rave about them) it looks like win is the order of the day. Still, Michael Macall isn't the one he worked with on his best received films, and Michael Cera hasn't exactly shown diversity in his acting set. I remain open-minded, and will definitely give this one a chance.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The Trailer

Cliff-hangers, Sequel-baiting and closed ends.

In all the speculation that goes on in the internet, one thing is agreed upon. Hollywood loves sequels. Just last year, there were 17 sequels, not to mention 2 spin-offs and 9 remakes/reboots.

Furthermore, 7 of the top 10 films in 2009, will have sequels.

However, one must always question whether or not a film needs a sequel, in most cases they don't. But some films are set up to have sequels, either ending with a cliff-hanger or sequel-bait. Then there are also films that literally cannot have sequels, Citizen Kane, Lawrence of Arabia, Hamlet.

So what's the difference between sequel-bait and cliffhangers? Very good question.

The first film in a series rarely ends on a cliffhanger. The only films I can think of are Eragon and Push, neither of which ended up getting sequels. A cliffhanger ends in such a way that without a sequel you aren't getting a complete story. Sequel bait, is when the film-makers establish possible plot elements for sequels within the film, usually at the end. Examples of this are, Star Wars, Spider-Man, Back to the Future, Iron Man, Batman Begins, Toy Story (yes, Toy Story, watch it again), Transformers, Hoodwinked, Underworld, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, and Alien. While sequel bait can work without ever getting a sequel, (See The Incredibles) a cliffhanger ruins the enjoyment of the film. Thus, cliffhangers are much better at the end of the second film, especially if the third film is already in production. Examples of this include, The Empire Strikes Back, The Matrix Reloaded, and Pirates of the Caribbean 2.

In conclusion, here are my most anticipated sequels.

Untitled Third Batman Film (TBA)
Iron Man 2 (May 7, 2010)
Kung Fu Panda 2 (June 3, 2011)
Hoodwinked 2 (TBA 2010, it's complicated)
Zombieland 2 (TBA)
District 10 (TBA, starts shooting in October)
The Hobbit (May or may not ever come out)
Harry Potter 7 (Nov 19, 2010)
Get Smart 2 (TBA)

What we in the industry refer to as, Legs.

Back in the day, films would remain in theaters for several months, showing small drops or gains from week to week, slowly raising their tally to blockbuster numbers. Today, the opening weekend is everything for big films, and only overwhelmingly good word-of-mouth can keep a movie going after a lack-luster start.

Looking back to 1980, the top five films were:

The Empire Strikes Back-$210,000,000, 5.2% from opening weekend.
9 to 5-$103,000,000, 3.8% from opening weekend.
Stir Crazy-$101,000,000, 8.6%, from opening weekend.
Airplane!-$83,000,000, (opening unknown)
Any Which way you Can-$71,000,000, 11.4% from opening weekend.

Now lets look at 2009:

Avatar-$745,000,000, 10.3% from opening weekend
Transformers 2-$402,000,000, 27.1% from opening weekend
Harry Potter 6-$302,000,000, 25.8% from opening weekend
New Moon-$297,000,000, 48.2% from opening weekend
Up-$293,000,000, 23.2% from opening weekend

2009 is probably not the best example of this trend however, as Avatar had shocking longevity, and a holiday release, which always marginalizes the opening weekend. Transformers 2 had a five day opening, meaning the opening day is not included in the opening weekend. Harry Potter 6, also had a five day opening.

These days, films with significant legs are a real rarity. One such film is "How to Train Your Dragon". After superior word of mouth (98% on rotten tomatoes) the movie has maintained a steady stream of cash since its somewhat tepid premiere ($43,000,000), and managed to take #1 this weekend. This is an extremely rare case of a film retaking #1 after falling out, something that hasn't happened in a very long time, perhaps ever for a film in its fourth weekend. It now totals $159,000,000, and will probably cross $200 million by the end of its run.

By comparison, Transformers 2 earned $200 million in its five day opening and struggled to get over the $400 million mark. Word of mouth really does help a film.

The Weinstein Co.

On April 3rd, Kanbar Animation (creators of Hoodwinked) sued The Weinstein Co for breach of contract in failing to release the sequel, Hoodwinked 2. Why has Hoodwinked 2 not yet been released? Why is the film completed, and yet no images or trailers have been released? I don't know, but the Weinsteins are certainly in trouble. Here's a list of there films, and whether they bombed, flopped, succeeded, or were a break-out hit. This has been determined by myself, based on knowledge I've gathered, I don't know the actual profit numbers.

Bomb=No way it made money, even with DVD
Flop=Probably lost money, but might have made some on DVD
Success=Made a little money, and probably a lot more on DVD
Hit=Made a large amount of money, before DVD is even figured.

Derailed (2005)-Success
The Libertine (2005)-Flop
Transamerica (2005)-Success
Hoodwinked (2005, Premiere, 2006 Release)-Hit
Mrs Henderson Presents (2005)-Success
The Matador (2005)-Flop
Wolf Creek (2005)-Success
Miss Potter (2006)-Success
Scary Movie 4 (2006)-Hit
Stormbreaker (2006)-Flop
Doogal (2006)-Bomb
Clerks 2 (2006)-Hit
Wordplay (2006)-Bomb
Pulse (2006)-Flop
Shut up & Sing (2006)-Flop
Lassie (2006)-Bomb
School for Scoundrels (2006)-Bomb
Hannibal Rising (2007)-Hit
Grindhouse (2007)-Bomb
The Hunting Party (2007)-Bomb
1408 (2007)-Hit
Dedication (2007)-Bomb
Who's your Caddy (2007)-Bomb
Cassandra's Dream (2007)-Flop
The Mist (2007)-Success
Halloween (2007)-Success
Rogue (2008)-Bomb
Zach & Miri Make a Porno (2008)-Flop
The Reader (2008)-Hit
The Promotion (2008)-Bomb
Capitalism (2009)-Success
Fanboys (2009)-Bomb
Outlander (2009)-Bomb
Halloween 2 (2009)-Success
Janky Promoters (2009)-Bomb
Inglorious Basterds (2009)-Mega Hit
The Road (2009)-Flop
A Single Man (2009)-Success
Nine (2009)-Bomb
Youth in Revolt (2010)-Flop

A very mixed history, seven hits, ten successes, fourteen flops and fourteen bombs. Certainly tilted to the bomby side, explaining there financial troubles. :(

2006: The Year of Animated Glut

Animated films went through a boom in the mid 00's. While previously, one or two, or even no animated films would be released per year, in the 00's almost every year at least 10 animated films invaded cinemas. The most prolific year, was 2006. With twenty animated films released. Twenty. This number does not include straight to DVD films, or films not released in the US. Only for movies released in theaters in the US in 2006. For comparison, here are the surrounding years.

2005-11
2006-20
2007-14
2008-18
2009-15

Furthermoe, all but five of these films entered wide release, leading to an extremely saturated market. Comparitively, 2009 had 12 wide release animated films. For posterity's sake, here are the animated films of 2006, from lowest grossing to highest grossing.

1. Live Freaky Die Freaky (Stop-Motion)-$11,290-1/27-Wellspring
2. Renaissance-$70,644-9/22-Miramax
3. Captain Sabretooth-$20,256-9/22-Indic.
4. Romeo & Juliet: Sealed with a Kiss-$463,002-10/26-Indic.
5. A Scanner Darkly (Rotoscope)-$5,501,616-7/7-WIP
6. Doogal (CG)-$7,417,319-2/24-Weinstein Company
7. Everyone's Hero (CG)-$14,523,101-9/15-Fox
8. Arthur and the Invisibles (CG/Live Action)-$15,132,763-12/29-MGM
9. The Ant Bully (CG)-$28,142,535-7/28-WB
10. The Wild (CG)-$37,384,046-4/14-BV (Disney)
11. Hoodwinked (CG)-$51,386,611-1/13-Weinstein Company
12. Curious George-$58,360,760-2/10-Universal
13. Flushed Away (Claymation)-$64,665,672-11/3-Dreamworks (Ardman)
14. Barnyard (CG)-$72,637,803-8/4-Paramount
15. Monster House (MC CG)-$73,661,010-7/21-Sony
16. Open Season (CG)-$85,105,259-9/29-Sony
17. Over the Hedge (CG)-$155,019,340-5/19-Dreamworks
18. Ice Age 2 (CG)-$195,330,621-3/27-Fox
19. Happy Feat (CG)-$198,000,317-11/17-WB
20. Cars (CG)-$244,082,982-6/9-Pixar

How to Train your-Awesome!

Just got back from seeing "How to Train your Dragon" and, yes it was, awesome.

Sometimes movies impress you, and sometimes they let you down. Sometimes they destroy any doubts you ever had, and give you a masterpiece of a film. That's what happened here. I enjoyed every minute of How to Train your Dragon, and that's saying a lot coming from me. Go see it. NOW!

St. Patrick's Day is stupid

Of all the endearing, annoying and just plain weird holidays we celebrate, St. Patrick's day is the worst. Why? I'm glad you asked, me. Because it celebrates being Irish. What's so wrong about that? Nothing, per se, but why is it the only one? There are no holidays for Russians, Spaniards, Frenchman, Britons, or Icelandians, that are celebrated in America. Only St. Patty's. Why? I assume because they're "quirky" or "funny" or "unique" but that hardly seems like a good excuse to force everyone into wearing green! It's just ridiculous. Get over yourselves! Not everything said in an Irish accent is funny! Leprechauns are overrated! And alcoholism is more prevalent in your nation than anywhere else in the world! AUGH!

*Disclaimer, I have nothing against Irish people and this is just a rant I felt like doing. No ill will towards anyone.

Rant on WoW, LOTRO and other nerdy nonsense

Last August I quit playing WoW. I'm finally ready to say why.

#1. I didn't have the money

I didn't like spending money to keep playing a game, I wouldn't mind normally, but my other reasons (below, obviously) made it just not worth it.

#2. Leveling from 70-80 is too freakin' hard

Hardcore WoW fans always complain that Blizzard is making WoW too "simple" and "easy". I say bring it on. Patch 2.4 made it much easier leveling from 20-60, and 3.0 made it much easier getting from 60-70. I was able to get 1-70 in under three months. The problem is that the level of experience required to level drastically increases at 70. It's much more fun questing when you're aiming to level at the end of your play session, instead of maybe gaining a bar of experience.

#3. Death Knights ruined group play

I'm surprised there wasn't more of a negative reaction to Death Knights in the game. First of all, everyone and their dog has one. When I was leveling from 60-70 at least 80% of the players I encountered were Death Knights. Second, they're useless in groups. Their DPS is weird, and they can't use shields so they don't make effective tanks, healing is out of the question. Good job, Blizzard, you managed to ruin something great. Introducing a hero class=dumbest decision ever.

#4. Didn't have the time

It's no secret that WoW can eat up lots of time, and I just didn't want that anymore. Especially when I'm paying to inch along towards 80, at which point I wouldn't be able to find groups anyway as a mage, because of all the Death Knights doing DPS. Just not worth it for the admittedly great enjoyment it offers.

Recently, however, I went through a full-on WoW withdrawal. I looked up my old characters and thought about how I would continue the talent trees, looked at various new stuff in the patches and really wanted to play WoW. Instead, I downloaded the 10-day trial for Lord of the Rings Online. WoW never looked so good.

In short, LotRO sucked. The classes are confusing, the design is bland, the quests are pointless and it's an overall boring and mind-numbing experience. So even with the Death Knights, and the insane amount of play-time required to advance, and the upcoming expansion that will only make it even harder to max out, WoW is better than LotRO, and probably everything else on the market.