Monday, October 18, 2010

10 People Who Should Run for President 2012

Here's 10 people that should run for president in 2010, but undoubtedly won't...although they might conceivably win.

10. The Ask a Ninja Guy
Okay, nothing would get done, but who cares? His state of the union address would be epic.

9. Tim the Dorito Samurai
Self-explanatory.

8. Neville Longbottom
Why? Because he's a BAMF.

7. The Reanimated Corpse of Abraham Lincoln
Hey, it'll be 2012, if we haven't mastered reanimation, what is the future good for anyway?
EPIC!

6. James Earl Jones
Darth Vader, Mufasa, CNN, God, why not the President? Because America is stupid, that's why!

5. Tom Hanks
You could travel the world, and find not a soul who can genuinely dislike Tom Hanks. Believe me I tried. Has he had some bad movies? Sure *cough*davincicode*cough*. But you can't hate him. It is physically impossible.

4. Arnold Shwarzenegger (Aunuld Shwazzinayger)
GET TO THE CHOPPAH! It would be historic, it's lame that you have to be born here anyway, besides, we all know it would it would be awesome to have the Terminator as president. The presinator. The termident. Okay, not as cool as The Govanator, but hey, whatcha gonna do? That's right, vote for him!

3. Samuel L Jackson
You know you'd vote for him. Samuel L Jackson is the Chuck Norris for non-rednecks. Once again, BAMF.

2. Steve Jobs
Think about what he could do with his campaign. Insane marketing capacity, and a league of fan-boys that makes the Trekkies shiver in fear.

11. Lady Gaga
With more Facebook fans than Barack Obama and God combined, she's the only one who really has an icicle's shot in a deep-fryer of winning. Seriously, since its debut in 2008, "The Fame" has been a presence in the top 10 of the Billboard 200, falling out only a few months ago, not to mention her insanely successful singles, and with a new album on the way, well, she's unstoppable.

1. L from Death Note
Yup, you were tricked! Lady Gaga is #11, haha, twist ending! L is teh gratesst characture evar!!!!!!!!!1one!! Seriously though, L for President spread the word. He knows the importance of carbs in supporting brain function, since brain cells primarily use glucose as opposed to fats and proteins in their functions, excluding brain growth which obviously involves serious proteins, this is why stupid people cut carbs from their diets. also, this video.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

A Quick Retraction and my Five Fave Bands.

Okay, first thing first, MGMT is a good band. I needed a tenth band for my list, and they were handy. Over the last week or so, I've discovered they are an acquired taste, and I've now acquired it. "Kids" which I previously stated was their "only good song" is their mainstream hit. If you hear the song, you probably won't think mainstream, but yeah, it is.

And now, my five favorite bands.

5. LUDO

I first heard of Ludo when they went on tour with my #1 on this list, but I didn't check them out until they released "Prepare the Preparations" which I bought on a whim. Best whim ever. An insanely eclectic piece of awesome, it features everything from smooth jazz, to classic bard playing, to heavy metal, all in one song. For all the genres the album encompasses, it would take up the rest of the blog, but the point is, they're all good. Can't wait to get more of there music, but unfortunately like everyone else, I'm broke. Oh, and did I mention, the lyrics are hilarious?

4. Ben Folds Five/Ben Folds

A superbly talented musician, Ben Folds has found himself a large fan-base, and most of them are younger than him. Piano pop/rock is not dead, it's just on life support, and that life-support is Ben Folds. Metaphors aside, you will have difficulty finding a more gifted musician. Unlike most of these other bands, his music is instantly accessible. However, like all these other bands, it is infinitely listenable. He has a large catalogue so of course I have a lot to listen to, but I have no doubt it will never cease to impress me.

3. Family Force 5

Say what you will about "Dance or Die", Family Force 5 is an amazing band. For once I have both of their albums (don't have "Dance or Die with a Vengeance", but hey, not made of money). While there is a big stylistic difference between their two albums, the core style remains, overbearing self-aware camp, phat beats and freaking awesomeness.

2. The Killers

The Killers are the most mainstream band on my list, scoring four albums in the top 10. Does that mean I'm a sell-out a shill and a poser? Heck no, it means they're awesome. "Hot Fuss" is an integral part of my life's soundtrack, but they're true masterpiece is "Day & Age". Even the critically derided "Sam's Town" is worth a look. While the lyrics are sometimes lacking and overwrought, one thing you know is it will always sound awesome. And after all, isn't that what music is all about? Note: Brandon Flowers solo album is so-so, you can't compensate for Killers.

1. Relient K

Surprised? Then you don't know me. I have every single one of their albums. Sue me, they're awesome. Lyrically inspired on every tune, never missing a chance at awesomeness, they are the soundtrack of my life. They've changed a lot over the years, but I for one dig the changes. The old stuff is still good, but it can't match the emotional and musical depth of their new stuff. If you're a poser fan who knows "Sadie Hawkin's Dance" and has a burned copy of "MMHMM", then take another look at this band. You'll never look back.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Top 10 Worst Indie Bands

Self-explanatory. Warning: Excessive Number of Hyperlinks

10. MGMT

Okay, I have "Kids" on my iPod, so why am I criticizing them? Because that's there only good song. The vocals are grating, the synth blaring and they're just an all around lame band.

9. My Morning Jacket

Lame, overbearing, over dramatic...just plain bad. Insipid lyrics that the fans for some reason think are genius. A really lame band.

8. Snow Patrol

Boring. They're like the Goo Goo Dolls but not popular. That should be self-explanatory.

7. Broken Bells

Something's broken. Screechy vocals, derivative and unappealing melodies...just unlistenable garbage.

6. Never Shout Never

Another one who has made an appearance on my iPod. I enjoy his music, but I know it's garbage. It's uncreative manufactured light pop with no significance whatsoever. Guilty pleasure.

5. Orbs

Yes, more unlistenable garbage. If you can sit through an entire song, you have ears of steel or live in a mental instution...or should.

4. Tweak Birds

Will make you claw your ears out. I have no idea what they were going for, but they failed.

3. xeatmewhileimhotx

Uncreative bland emo screamo garbage.

2. Circa Survive

There new album, "Blue Sky Noise" (which obviously makes no sense) got positive reviews from altpress.com. Altpress is stupid.

1. Any and every "Myspace Band"

You know what I'm talking about. Bands that are doomed (destined) to be lost forever on myspace with 100-something followers. It doesn't matter how many times you post ADD ME on MCR's page, you aren't going to be famous. If you haven't broken through yet, you never will. Note: this only applies to bands who've been on Myspace for five years or more.

Okay that doesn't count...for real.

1. Metallica

They aren't indie I just wanted to bring them up because, I hate them.

Okay this is seriously #1.

1. Modest Mouse

I hate them I hate them I hate them.

The End.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

You band SUCKS! Part 2.

50. Carrie Underwood-Meh
49. Backstreet Boys-seriously? they're so 90's...meh, if you want lulz.
48. Alan Jackson-Murder him somebody
47. Maroon 5-If you like terrible music, you'll love them
46. Matchbox 20-Meh
45. Sean Paul-high meh
44. Fergie-Ugh...very low meh
43. Lil Wayne-Sucks
42. Miley Cyrus...do I even need to say it?
41. Ashanti-Who?
40. Dixie Chicks-Sucks
39. Faith Hill-in the right mood...meh
38. Taylor Swift-High Meh
37. Mary J. Blige-Can't name a single song...
36. Ja Rule-Who?
35. Santana-Rocks
34. R. Kelly-Sucks
33. Akon-Want to rip his face off and shove it down his throat...sucks
32. Outkast-sucks
31. Rascall Flats-Usually sucks, but overall meh
30. 3 Doors Down-Meh
29. Chris Brown-Beat him to death plz, kthx
28. Avril Lavigne-High meh
27. Jennifer Lopez-Taco taco, burrito burrito! Sucks
26. T. I.-Sucks
25. He who shall not be named (Kenny Chesney)-Sucks!
24. He who shall not be named (Justin Timberlake)-Sucks!
23. Tim McGraw-Sucks
22. He who shall not be named (Toby Keith)-Shut up parenthesis!
21. 'N Sync-SUCKS
20. Christina Aguilera-Mixed bag of Meh
19. Linkin Park-Old stuff was pretty good but new stuff is suck
18. Creed-Sucks
17. Rihanna-With one or two exeptions, sucks
16. Ludacris-Meh
15. He who shall not be named (Kanye West)-do you like fishsticks?
14. Kelly Clarkson-High Meh
13. P!nk-High meh
12. Them that shall not be named (The Black Eyed Peas)-imma be dead fool!
11. Mariah Carrey-High Meh
10. Jay-Z-Sucks
9. Destiny's Child-It is there destiny to suck
8. She who shall not be named (Britney Spears)-next please
7. Crazy Canadians who should be murdered (Nickelback)-KILL THEM! PLEASE SOMEONE!
6. 50 Cent-If you paid 50 cents for his album, you were robbed.
5. Alilcia Keys-Can sing, but not really my style...meh
4. Beyonce-Extremely low meh, so yeah, she sucks
3. Nelly-It's getting hot in here, because nelly sucked all the cold air out.
2. Usher-Anyone who says there own name in a song sucks...plus he hangs with Justin Bieber
1. Eminem-Before he sold out, he was good. That's a time long gone though.

You Band SUCKS!!!

SO that whole thing with Relient K and Disturbed...yeah I'm not doing that anymore, it was a stupid idea. Here's what I am doing. I'm taking the top 100 bands of the decade, according to billboard.com and breaking them down into three categories: sucks, meh, rocks.

Why? Cuz I felt like it.

100. Flo Rida-Sucks
99. Lonestar-Who?
98. Mario-Sucks
97. Katy Perry-Meh
96. Enya-Meh
95. Jessica Simpson-Sucks
94. Sisqo-Who?
93. Fall-Out Boy-high meh
92. Timbaland-meh
91. Joe....wait, just Joe? That's the name of the group?
90. Daughtry-Meh
89. No Doubt-Low Meh
88. Jagged Edge-Who?
87. U2-Meh
86. Chingy-Seriously? Who?
85. Shaggy-Scooby snack anyone?
84. The Fray-Sucks
83. Red Hot Chili Peppers-Meh
82. Bow Wow-Meh
81. Limp Bizkit-Sucks
80. The Pussycat Dolls-Sucks
79. The Beatles-Wow, they made it for this decade? Awesome! ROCKS!
78. Lifehouse-Sucks
77. Brad Paisly-Sucks
76. Shakira-Sucks
75. Staind-Sucks
74. Enrique Igelsias-Sucks
73. Lady Gaga-Rocks
72. Shandia Twain-Who?
71. Evanescence-High Meh (Amy Lee's solo work is good, but they're really a 1-hit wonder)
70. Aaliyah-Who?
69. John Mayer-SUCKS SO MUCH I WANT TO MURDER HIM!!!
68. Keith Urban-Sucks
67. Janet Jackson-Meh
66. Nelly Furtado-Who?
65. Dave Matthews Band-Meh
64. Snoop Dogg-Sucks
63. George Strait-Sucks
62. Ciara-Sucks
61. Green Day-Rocks for the most part...latest is meh
60. Norah Jones-Rocks, in the right mood
59. Josh Grobabn-Rocks, in the right mood
58. Madonna-Sucks
57. Ne-Yo-High Meh
56. Celine Dion-Meh
55. T-Pain-Sucks so much I want to kill him
54. Gwen Stefani-Sucks
53. Coldplay-High meh, in the right mood.
52. Missy Elliot-Who?
51. Kid Rock-Sucks so much I want to kill him.

Top 50 coming soon.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Disturbed vs. Relient K: How to Make Money vs. Making Good Music

In the music business there are too types of bands. Those in it for the money, and those in it for the music. This is a guide to achieving both goals.

Step 1: the First Album

After making it through the nightmare of somehow getting signed by a major label, you have to make an album. Let's examine how the two groups did.

Disturbed: The Sickness

The album is straight-forward a lot of the same sounding stuff, with angry lyrics and an overall lack of quality. Still, commendable as a first effort. B

Relient K: Relient K

Again straight-forward, amusing lyrics, lighthearted beats, not a lot of complexity, fairly low overall quality. B+

A first album is responsible for defining a band's sound, but the sophomore album is to distinguish a band's quality. If a band's first album is there best, (TFK, MGMT, Sum 41) than there's no where to build to.

Step 2: The Sophomore Album

This is where we find our disconnect. If a band stays the same, they'll invariably decline in quality. There's only so many angry angsty songs you can make. You need a bit of a style change to foster creativity. However, too much of a change (or practically any change) will tend to alienate some of your audience. A prime example of this is Family Force 5. The first album was hardcore crunk, the second was a synth-pop dance record. Subsequently, they lost a lot of there fan-base, and surprise surprise, plan to return to the old style for there third album. (for the record, I liked Dance or Die). Let's see how our test subjects do.

Disturbed: Believe

Basically identical to their first record. A bit more accomplished, but once again a lot of similar songs. It seems like they spent more time on the album cover than writing the songs. Disappointing lack of growth. C.

Relient K: The Anatomy of Tongue in Cheek

A great improvement. The difference between Relient K and Disturbed here, is that Disturbed broke out of the box with their first album. Relient K, well, didn't. This is there breakout and rightfully so. The album is lengthy, in the best way. The songs all sound similar, but there definitely distinguishable, and very unique. The lyrics are a huge improvement, and the music is a bit more proficient too. A.

Will continue this soon, after I do a bit more research.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The fall of the Album.

Everyone knows album sales have been growing weaker and weaker every year, while single sales have grown higher and higher. But you may not have realized how quickly it has happened, and that there's no end in sight. Today, 25,000 album sales will get you a spot in the top 10. This week, "The Devil Wears Prada" released a new EP, entitled "Zombie" which did just that. It hit #10 with first week sales of 25,000.

On the comparable frame last year, the #10 spot was held by "Now That's What I call Music 31", which sold 33,000 albums.

In 2008, Shwayze's debut album "Shwayze" (real creative there) entered at #10 with sales of 47,000. 0_o.

But why stop there? Let's look at the chart week ending March 7, 2010.

Lifehouse's Smoke & Mirrors hit #6 with sales of 54,000. In March 2007, Relient K's Five Score and Seven years ago opened to #6 with sales of 62,000. Not a good comparison? Whatever I just wanted to bring it up.

anyway...randomness....